An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
