Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
