how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
