i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i think i just lost a toe
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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