So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
