I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
