Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
