I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
