Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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