Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize