just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
