What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
