GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
