ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
