It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
