Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
