I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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