I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
