I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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