Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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