im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Even my vagina gasped.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
