I will die if light touches me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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