she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
