I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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