Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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