Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
