After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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