I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
