nut hugger
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
