Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
