i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
