that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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