So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have aggressive nipples.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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