She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
where are you?
Hypothermia
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
