i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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