Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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