Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
