Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Holy shit dude........stairs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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