so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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