The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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