i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
