I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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