Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You can't special order awesome
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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