I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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