It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
did i just pee glitter
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
