why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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