69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
