It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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