then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
