you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i will never coherently bang her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
