On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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