Buhtt sex?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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