2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
