I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
