last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
