Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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