before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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