Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
