seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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