i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize