I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Panties = found
Randomize
