I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
