so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
