Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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