i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
