Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
