If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
