Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
