I want to walk on stilts...naked
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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