Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
