im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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