Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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