I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize