I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
